I just found out after 28 years of marriage that my husband had a seven-month affair with a co-worker. He would drink with her at a bar and then they would have sex. After a few months, she became pregnant, and my husband did not tell me. He didn't have anything to do with her or the child. I am really confused and don't know what to do. The child is now 9 years old.
Sandra
This is a very difficult and fearful situation, and it is exacerbated by the length of time that has passed since the affair took place. Over the years, partners grow and change, and you have to learn to love the new incarnations of themselves in the present. Your best choice is to take stock of who your husband is now based on the choices he has made in his life and who you are now, and ask yourself if he is still the man you want to be with. As for the child, your husband chose to relinquish his role as father so that you would never find out about the affair. This was not a choice he made to protect you, but rather to protect his position in your marriage. If he had wanted to protect you, he would not have had the affair. You have to ask him if he has changed and if he is remorseful for the decisions he made in his past. Then you have to ask yourself if his actions have proven that he has truly changed.
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